Mood: Slightly unhinged
Location: Scattered across the floor of my own expectations
Mental State: Loading… 99% complete (estimated time: infinity)

The Incident

So, today was a thing. I matched with someone on an app who said their hobby was ‘optimization’. I unmatched so fast I think I broke the speed of light. Who wants a ‘lean’ relationship? I want someone who will rot with me.

I stood there for a long time, just taking it in. The realization that I am an adult who is allegedly in charge of things is the most recurring nightmare I have.

The Spiral

The theme of the week is Why Waking Up is a Mistake.

I find myself thinking about the version of me I thought I’d be. She had matching luggage and a favorite brand of olive oil. We’re not even the same species anymore.

Everything is a ‘subscription’ now. My gym, my music, my software. I’m waiting for the ‘Happiness Pro’ tier, but I suspect it’s just a 7-day free trial that leads to a bill.

The Aftermath

Everything feels like it’s made of cardboard and hope, and it’s raining. But hey, at least I found a five-dollar bill in my coat pocket. It’s enough for half an oat milk latte.

I’ve decided to reorganize my bookshelf by the level of existential dread each book causes. The ‘Tax Law’ section is currently at the top of the pyramid.

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Mood update: I’ve decided to be at peace with my own destruction. For the next hour, at least.