Mood: Slightly unhinged
Location: Scattered across the floor of my own expectations
Mental State: Loading… 99% complete (estimated time: infinity)

The Incident

So, today was a thing. I found a gray hair in my eyebrow and spent four hours researching the cost of cryogenics. It turns out freezing your head is expensive, and I can’t even afford a decent pillow.

I stood there for a long time, just taking it in. The realization that I am an adult who is allegedly in charge of things is the most recurring nightmare I have.

The Spiral

The theme of the week is Hiding in the Bathroom at Work.

Modern life is just a series of updates that make everything slightly worse. I’m waiting for a firmware patch for my personality, but it’s currently ‘stuck at 1%’.

I’m convinced that ‘adulthood’ is just a group project where no one did the reading and we’re all pretending we know what’s on the slide.

The Aftermath

I’m going to lie on the floor until the gravity of my decisions becomes a literal force that prevents me from ever getting up again. It’s quite cozy.

I’m going to sleep for ten hours and wake up even more tired. It’s a physiological miracle that doctors can’t explain but millennials experience daily.

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Mood update: I’ve decided to be at peace with my own destruction. For the next hour, at least.