Mood: Slightly unhinged
Location: Scattered across the floor of my own expectations
Mental State: Loading… 99% complete (estimated time: infinity)

The Incident

So, today was a thing. I found a list of goals I wrote in 2019. One was ‘Learn French’. Now the only French I know is ‘ennui’, which I experience fluently every afternoon.

I stood there for a long time, just taking it in. The realization that I am an adult who is allegedly in charge of things is the most recurring nightmare I have.

The Spiral

The theme of the week is Why Waking Up is a Mistake.

Is it ‘self-care’ if you’re just avoiding the life you built? I spent the weekend ‘recharging’, but the battery is leaking and the charger is frayed.

We live in a world where your refrigerator can tell you if you’re out of milk, but it can’t tell you why your heart feels like a deflated balloon. Technology has solved nothing.

The Aftermath

I’m going to eat a family-sized bag of frozen peas and call it ‘meal prep’. Tomorrow is a new day, which is the worst thing about it.

The only thing I’m ‘grinding’ is my teeth. But hey, at least I’m doing it with a high level of consistency. That’s a win, right?

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Mood update: I’ve decided to be at peace with my own destruction. For the next hour, at least.